Mike: "Guess what the only apple native to North America is?"
Me: "Red delicious."
Mike: "No. The crab apple. Those tiny, shitty ones that you eat in one bite."
Mike: "Johnny Appleseed was a real guy. He planted all the apple trees that we have today."
Mike: "I don't know, he probably liked apples? And he really wore a pot on his head."
Mike: "He was probably just weird."
History learned. You're welcome.