A Non-Rant On Unemployment

Some afternoons when I'm walking the dogs, it just hits me. I'm unemployed. Being unemployed is not something that's on my mind 24/7 like you may think it is. My life so quickly becomes a routine that being home all day starts to feel normal; not at all like some big life event happened out of nowhere and caused this change. It's been 83 days now since I was laid off unexpectedly. That seems like such a huge number when I count it up. I can't have been unemployed, job searching, at home with nothing to do all day for 83 days!

But I have. And that's okay.

Last time I felt horrible about myself because of my unemployment. Even though I quit my job to move across the country with my husband for his job which is not a bad reason to be out of work. I was out of work for 7 months that time and I remember feeling so awful about myself, so frantic to find a job. Every rejection e-mail was like a punch to the gut. Why didn't they want me? What am I doing wrong?

This time doesn't feel like that. Which is odd since this time I'm not unemployed by choice. Being let go was one of the worst feelings I've ever had. It was hurtful and embarrassing and humbling. Even 83 days later, when I think about some of the events that took place that week, I feel a giant scream of anxiety shoot through my chest. But as the days pass by, I've been pleasantly surprised to see that these feelings haven't bled over into the rest of my life. The manner with which I became unemployed makes me feel not so great, but my actual unemployment isn't the torturous experience it was last time.

Maybe I've matured? Maybe I just disliked my last job SO MUCH that being out of work feels like a much needed respite? Maybe I just like myself more this time around?

Whatever it is, I'm always pleasantly surprised when the fact that I'm unemployed randomly dawns on me during the day rather than allowing it to keep me up at night or to ruin my days.

The dogs and I took our usual route around the complex earlier today. We squinted into the sun and watched cars drive by with moms picking their kids up from school, students off to class, and people returning to work after a late lunch break. I shuffled along, keeping a slow pace so Gizmo could smell every blade of grass that tickled his fancy and so Tuffy could roll around on some stinky part of the ground that makes him want to rub all over it in ecstasy. Me, in my cut off jean shorts and fluffy topknot, with nowhere to go. No meetings to take, calls to make, or tasks to complete. I pulled the dogs aside before we went back home and sat them down in the shade. I stared at my feet in the grass and Gizmo's giant panting smile as the cold blades hit his hot belly. And it hit me, I'm unemployed.

And that's okay.

***Hey there Maryland Unemployment people...I do apply for a bunch of jobs during the day when I'm not lounging in the sun and/or typing blog posts. I swear.

This Sunday Currently

Currently I am...

Reading: Still reading the 4th Outlander book and The Hobbit. Haven't been reading much lately especially since I've been working through my lunch breaks.

Writing: this blog post and our grocery list. I love doing grocery lists. I search recipes online, dig through our favorite cook books, and then Mike and I stand in the living room and talk about what we want the next week and we always get excited and make big plans. We always grocery shop together and chat the whole time and act like this is some super fun task to do. Maybe we hang out too much, but it's always the highlight of my week. My grocery list is a spreadsheet separated by sections of the grocery store and it's my crowning glory and I love it.

Listening: To Mike playing his video game, the dogs shuffling around the house, and my fingers on the keyboard. Later today I'll be listening to the machines in the gym squeak and creak, beer being poured for us at lunch, and chatter at the grocery store.

Thinking: That I'm so glad my back feels better today. Yesterday, every time I took a deep breath I had a stabbing pain in my back and it was not fun. Good excuse to not work out though, I tell ya'.

Smelling:  My coffee. I'll take it black, please.

Wishing: That all the meals I picked to make next week were calorie free. Wouldn't that be lovely?

Hoping: Same as always...not gonna give up no sir no way.

Wearing: Big ole' brown VS pajama pants, a grey long sleeved tee, a giant cable knit sweater, and bright red Christmas socks. It's cold, okay?

Loving: That we had such a perfectly lazy day yesterday and that we have a whole chicken and 3lbs of pork belly in the freezer waiting to be used next week.

Wanting:  To burn 3,000 calories at the gym today (not gonna happen).

Needing: To shower, get dressed, go to the gym, get the grocery list done, and get a movin'.

Feeling: Sleepy and happy and bloaty. SEXY!

Clicking:  Pinterest for this soup recipe and Hey Natalie Jean because when I'm feeling lazy and introspective on the weekends, I read her archives and leave the window open all weekend so I don't lose my place. Makes me remember why I love writing/blogging and feel happy about the world and smooshy little toddler cheeks.

A couple other things...

Another week, another amazing cocktail by my husband. This one was based on a recipe he found and when he read the ingredients, he realized it was basically an old fashioned, but with tequila. So he made it based on that rather than their recipe which called for way too much sugar. It was delicious.

When he's not being crazy and running around like a mad man, Gizmo likes to crawl up on people and cuddle. He licks your face until you can't take it anymore and then he lays his little chin on your chest and gets an incredibly peaceful look on his little face. He doesn't close his eyes and go to sleep; he's too busy protecting you. He just lays there, keeping your chest warm and feeling happy with his little corgi life. They are fleeting moments because that silly corgi can't stay still very long, but they're lovely.

So glad we went to the pound that day little Gizmo, so glad we have you.

NaBloPoMo Day 8 - Maryland

Alright Maryland...you're pretty cool...

This is the view from my impromptu date with my husband drinking cocktails and eating bar food in a town we've never been to at the end of a road we've never turned on. We're surrounded by water and when the sun dipped down in the perfect spot beneath the water line, everything turned pink. So no matter what I'm dealing with right now internally, externally, crazy chickternally, that was gorgeous. Mike was smiling like a fool, enjoying his beer, and giving me a kiss every 5 seconds telling me he loved me. So yeah, Maryland, you win tonight. You're pretty great.

Mike has really only ever taken one attractive iPhone photo of me. This ain't it. #giantheadgiantnose 

Happy Labor Day...I'm Drunk

Oh Labor Day...I love you.  I mean, I labor pretty hard during most of the year so I deserve an extra day off, right? Is that what Labor Day is about?  I have no idea.  On second thought, I probably don't deserve crap.

Anywho.

On Monday, we lazed around the house for hours before finally heading out for the day.  We grabbed lunch at Potbelly's to fill our bellies with bread before we shoved a crap-load of wine in there.  I make wine tasting sound class, don't I?

Then we were off to Perigeaux for some wine tasting and music.  We had never been to Perigeaux before and it really is an idyllic setting.  And the music was pretty darn awesome.  Landing Mary was there and those kids were cute and talented and I could have sat there and listened to them all day.  I call them kids because when I think 20 somethings are cute I officially feel like a creepy old lady.  Turning 30 does that to you.  Anyways, we finished our tasting and got a couple of glasses and enjoyed sitting out under a giant tree listening to some music.  It was really lovely.

After that, we headed off to our favorite local winery Slack.  Oh I love their wine.  It is just dang delicious.  Our tasting was poured by the owner and he was so sweet and interesting and asked us tons of questions about ourselves.  It was really fun to get to know him and enjoy conversation and wine while looking out at the beautiful water.  We bought a bottle and sat out by the water for a while talking and laughing before heading home.

I look awful in this picture, but it is what it is...

It was lovely.

And, in pure Valerie fashion, I ended up day drunk by the time we got home and I laid on the floor a lot and complained about my belly.

Happy Labor Day?

Over The Weekend

I'm so sad the weekend is over already.  I'm sleepy.  Mondays are the worst.  Etc.

This weekend we...

Friday after work I came home to this waiting on the kitchen table.  Which not only meant yay wine and my husband rocks, but also that we got to ditch running.  The best news ever.

Saturday, we went to the gym and ran some errands and then headed off to the beach for a picnic, some beers, and sun.  We walked along the water and collected shells and for once there were no jelly fish so I got to actually go in the water to cool off.  We played catch so Mike wouldn't get bored and laid in the sand and read our books.  It was lovely.

Then we headed off to Blue Wind Gourmet for some more beers (because it's Saturday, so why not) where I "accidentally" got a little drunk and ended up at Target...drunk.  Where I got lost and couldn't find Mike and finally turned around to find him standing at the end of an aisle shaking his head at me in embarrassment.  When I caught up with him, I said, "At least I was playing it cool when I was lost" and mimed me walking around nonchalantly with my hands in my pockets.  Which for some reason made us laugh so hard I started crying.  It was a pretty good Target trip.

Sunday, we went for a run, grabbed lunch at Chipotle where we made life plans sealed with high-fives (the only way your plans are really official is with a high-five), and then headed off to my work.  It's a long story, but I work in what was once an old house and the upstairs kitchen is gross and we don't have people that work there with the time to properly scrub that thing down.  So Mike did it.  And it's sparkly now.  Of course.  That guy, I swear. He's the best.  I read my book the whole time.  I'm helpful.

Afterwards, Mike got a headache because of the massive amounts of bleach it took to clean that joint so we relaxed in our pjs and watched soccer and bad movies.

How was your weekend?

Things and Stuff and Things

Oh hey!  I didn't die.  I went to California for a week and then came home and went straight back to work and I've had nothing to blog out.  I like to pretend people are sitting at home screaming, "WHY HASN'T VALERIE BLOGGED?!!!"  But they are not.  (or are they?!)  So since I last blogged, here are some things that happened in no particular order.

- I flew to California by myself and it was much less fun without Mike.  Snarking to yourself is boring.  And there are so many snark worthy things at the airport...

- I watched one of my best friends be happier than I've possibly ever seen her.  Glowing.  It was awesome.

- I was actually quiet to the point where someone asked me if I was okay.  That is super weird for me.  (I'm loud.)

- I got fat.  Don't roll your eyes at me.  I'm not merely being obnoxious.  I felt awesome on my trip.  I walked around amongst skinny minnies in my bathing suit and felt pretty dern good.  Then I got home.  And my week with Mike's brother's visit and eating out, my week with Mike's mom's visit and eating out and my week in California eating and drinking out HIT ME.  Like, I have never experienced this before.  I looked in the mirror and though, "Oh shit."  I am obviously heavier.  That happened quick.  And it ain't going to go away quick.  This sucks.  So I've been super whiny about that (lucky Mike) and working out more and eating better, but it sucks and I look awful and feel uncomfortable and am depressed.  (funnest blog ever right?)

- I shared a bed with my sister and still slept okay and didn't kick her once.  The time difference helped.

- I drove to TWO new places and didn't freak out or get lost.  SHADAISY.  (I'm pathetic)

- I got surprised in the shower by one of my best friends V which wasn't a big deal because, well, chicks are weird like that, and then our friend TOOK PICTURES OF IT and V texted that picture to her husband.  And then I died of embarrassment.  Camera phones are the worst invention ever.  (We were just showering btw...does this make it sound like we were making out?  We weren't.)  (Or were we?!)  (We weren't.)

- I drank a cocktail at 7:30am and didn't feel bad about it.  And it was a double.  It was delicious.  (It was at the airport if that makes it less gross)

- I ate at my two favorite restaurants in my old home town and got to see a bunch of my favorite people.  

- I still was totally fine leaving and coming back here felt like coming home.  That is sad and happy at the same time.

- I went to my house back home that we're now renting out and it was less weird than I thought, but still pretty weird.  I miss that house.

- I, along with my sister, recorded a video of us dancing to Sweet Home Alabama for her boyfriend.  Dorks.

- I GOT BANGS.  This is a big deal for girls...it's kind of ridiculous, but it is.

- I felt very thankful for my relationship all week.  And even when he snapped at me earlier tonight...didn't go away.

- I learned that you should always check that you have your bag before you leave for a long trip and any husband who would drive hours to drop off your bag is a keeper.

- I found out that Palm Springs has basically become Vegas which isn't a bad thing, it's just surprising.

- I also found out that is is apparently a thing to hang out in pools that are only like waist deep and just stand around and get hit on like you're at a club?  This is not my jam.  Nope nope nope.  Lets combine clothing that makes 95% of women uncomfortable with alcohol, with a drowning hazard, with sketchy guys, with awkwardly having to climb in and out of something in front of everyone.  Not.  My.  Jam.

- I had an amazing trip whether it made me fat or not.  But I'm so happy to be home. 

And lots of other stuff and things I shouldn't mention on here and all that fun stuff.

What have you guys been up to?

The ladies.  Ohhhh aren't they hotties?!

I spent 7 hours out here and didn't get sunburnt.  WINNER.

We were too lazy to take anything other than selfies all weekend.  My sister is more photogenic than me.  Bitch.

Selfie Attack

This is my reaction to coming home and realizing I am now fat.  Mike has since banned me from alcohol.  Hmph.

A Sunday Hike

Instead of going to the gym on Sunday, we decided to go for a hike.  We've done the 7.5 mile trail at St. Mary's River State Park before and have loved the views and the great work out.  Mike brought the camera and was getting some great pics and we both were feeling pretty darn good about how much we were sweating our asses off.

And then I saw one of these:

{via}

And nearly peed my sweaty pants.

And we had 4 miles to go.

This trail is like a big giant circle.  If you have 4 miles to go, you have 4 miles to go.  There are no short cuts.  You have to walk 4 more miles through the woods that you are now convinced are filled with giant black snakes.

So that was not fun.

Even though Mike could care less, I kept screeching every time a leaf rustled.  I actually screamed and jumped when some mountain bikers road up behind us.  I'm pretty brave is the moral of that story.

But we kept on hiking.

And then at about 2.5 miles to go, we both lost steam.  We didn't see any more snakes because I'm pretty sure our growling stomachs and grunting whines scared them away.  7.5 miles is far.  Walking/biking/running/whatever.  That shiz was tiring.  But, we did it and the pictures are pretty and I didn't get swallowed by a giant black snake, so I guess it turned out okay.  And, as I asked Mike after the snake sighting, don't you think you burn more calories when you're terrified?

Some parts of the trail like this one make me feel like I'm in a fairy tale.

There were the brightest orange mushrooms out today.  They seriously looked fake, they were so bright and perfect.

This is my, "I just saw a giant snake and now I'm too scared to finished this trail, but I have to." face.

Beach Day!

One of the things I love most about our new town is how accessible everything is.  Sometimes when I tell people that I moved here from California, they look at me flabbergasted.  How on EARTH could you leave California for this place?! I think that most people think all of California is beaches and Los Angeles and just, well, cities.  But when I tell them that we were in the middle of the desert, they tend to get why we would love it in this water and tree filled town.  This summer, we are definitely trying to take advantage of being near beaches.  They're not the California beaches we're used to, but they're also not as damn far away and inconvenient as the beaches we're used to.  Saturday, we decided to give the beach on our base a try since we'd never been there before and the weather was gorgeous.  I personally think it's pretty darn cool that our base has a free public beach among other things.

Except, you know, that it's pretty infested with jelly fish.

So yeah, don't go in the water.

Here are some (cell phone) pics of our beach day.  I'm sad I didn't capture either of us getting attacked (with licks, not bites) by some guy's dog every time we tried to lay on our backs.  Or the giant tough dude pouting after his first jelly fish sting.  Or the walk we took collecting shells for a jar in our house (that's required if you live near a beach right?  Cliche and required.)

All in all it was a lovely little beach day.  Have I mentioned how much I love this place?

Oh this guy.

This is before we saw a bunch of jelly fish and I squealed at him to get back.

Alright, I might be picking a wedgie here, but it's still a semi-flattering picture unlike the others Mike took of me.  Enjoy my GIANT caboose in your face.  And yes, this one is formatted smaller than the others.  It was scarier that size...

A Day Trip To Sotterley

The Saturday that the mo-in-law was here, we had grand plans of spending the day in Mt. Vernon.  And then we found out the dogs couldn't be kenneled for the day except in tiny grooming cages and that I would be working Friday until 3am, so we scratched that idea.  After I dragged my sorry and exhausted ass out of bed that morning, we ventured out for some breakfast and a tour of Sotterley Plantation.  It's definitely worth a trip if you're in the area and seems like an amazing event location.  We should have taken more pictures, but I was running on fumes by this point so this is all I could do.

Weekend Shenanigans

How in the motherhell is it Monday already?  I need a whole day just to catch up on my sleep after the last couple of weeks!  Today, I'm linking up with Sami again for weekend shenanigans.  This weekend I...

On the 4th, my dad and his fiance visited and we all grabbed some lunch at Blue Wind Gourmet and then went to Historic St. Mary's City.  Blog post on that tomorrow.

We stole our recipes for a non-traditional 4th of July bbq from GQ with lobster rolls (we used fresh crab), corn covered in a mango and habanero butter, and Asian cole slaw.  Find the recipes here.  It was DELICIOUS.

For 4th of July, we forced the dogs to wear patriotic bandannas.  Gizmo hated it, but he looked so darn cute.

Friday, I worked my first concert at my new job.  I was there from 7:30am to 3:00am.  It was not fun.  Thank G there are only 3 of those a year.

Side note:  if you don't get excited about the bands and therefore don't want to go out and listen to the music your coworkers will think you're weird.

Side side note:  I knew none of the songs from either band which either makes me an obnoxious hipster or an old lady, I'm not sure which.

Saturday, we dragged my tired ass out of the house for breakfast at Linda's Cafe, a tour of Sotterley Plantation (post on that later), and a drive through Breton Bay to drool over houses.  After some drinks (diet coke for me...caffeine need was dire that day) at the Front Porch, we planted our butts into our couches for a House Hunters marathon and Five Guys.

Sunday I was a lazy turd much like this handsome guy.

How was your weekend?