On Being Lazy

Lately, I have been pretty lazy.

Grad school is winding down.

I've been sick.

And sleepy.

And stressed out beyond belief.

So I find myself on random days laying on the couch watching Sex And The City marathons.

And sometimes I feel super guilty about it.

I have a freakin paper to write in order to actually GRADUATE.

And yet

Sometimes, I don't feel so guilty about it.

I kind of feel like I need it.

So what I didn't work my ass off on that paper today?

I had a much needed lunch with an amazing girl.

I calmed down my ever nagging panic attacks.

I got rid (somewhat) of my chest cough.

And I was just effing lazy.

Tomorrow, I plan to spend literally the entire day in front of my computer working on my paper.

And it's okay I didn't do that today.

So yeah, sometimes I'm pretty lazy.

But at least I'm guilt free about it.

You know, at the moment.



Want It Wednesday

This Want It Wednesday, I have a request to myself.

Please please stop freaking out.

Two days ago I started my LAST class towards my Master's Degree.

It's been a long, stressful, (whiny), road.

Starting here.

And I'm less then two months until the end now.

But I can't stop freaking out.

This class is basically the replacement for a thesis since I'm in an accelerated online program.

So two months to do a big ole' project with my partner.

It's the lack of parameters that freaks me out.

The super fast timeline (outline due week 2...week TWO?!) that freaks me out.

The fact that I can't seem to remember a damn thing I learned all year right now that freaks me out.

The fact that I have a partner in this I have to think about for the whole two months that freaks me out.

And just the fact that it's me and I generally quit things when it gets this stressful that freaks me out.

So dear Want It Wednesday Gods, please just let me calm down a little bit.

That's all I want.

{via}

Scenes From My Night

I have been spending tonight (and pretty much every other effing night for the past three weeks since this class started) writing a dang paper.

I'm pretty good at papers.

But since this is the fifth time I have had to write pretty much the exact same paper for this class, I'm not too happy about it.

I also keep typing nonsense words and zoning out since I'm so tired.

(Sweet Moses, I'm a whiner!)

So as a momentary distraction from this stupid paper, I'm writing a nonsense blog.

Here is what my night looks like right now:

Candy, chapstick, textbook.  All I need really.

When in doubt, Google.  One guess what my paper is on.

He could give a crap about my paper.

This guy too.

Hopefully the nerdier I look, the better my paper will be.

This Guy

What has giant hair, no makeup, 

An obnoxiously long study guide,

and is enjoying their first homemade smoothie?

This Guy!

Happy Saturday everyone!

(My hair looks awesome)

(I really don't want to take my exam)

Week Nights

In case you ever wondered, this is what pretty much every week night looks for me.

Leggings, wine, and grad school, with a pinch of miserableness.

Every once in a while I actually listen during class and take notes.

My classroom.  Three must haves:  Wine, Chapstick, iPhone.

My latest class.  Sounds titillating right?

I look terrifying in this hence the black and white, but this is pretty much my spot and pose for the 2 hours of class each week.

And sometimes I get up and dance to music in my head when my butt goes numb.

gradschoolspiration

I feel like this blog has become therapy for me.

I get on here and whine one night.

Then get on a couple days later and write something motivational.

So here is my motivational grad school post.

Because it is currently kicking my lazy ass.



shouldawouldacoulda

I should have started my class in January

After the holidays.

After Relay for Life.

After O's wedding.

After my family's visit.

But I did not.

So during this class alone, I have Relay for Life all day the day before our first group project is due.

It's due this Sunday.

We don't have a topic yet.

I don't even have my textbook yet.

Then the 4th week, we have our 2nd group project and a final which are both due while I'm at a wedding.

This month/class/day is making me stress out.

Not just stress out.

STRESS out.

Like I feel as if my head may detach from the rest of my body and float around.

Like a balloon.

But instead of being filled with helium, it's filled with crazy.

Then I immediately start another class.

The same week my dad, step-mom, and sister come to visit.

And it's Halloween.

And my nephew pug will be dressed as a spider.

These are all very distracting things.

School might be the death of me.

I'm quite the whiner.

Here is a picture of my dogs to cheer everyone up.

School Sweet School

I tend to freak out about stuff.

A lot.

As an example, I've been freaking out about school lately.

But, I mean...fair dues right?

I'm working full time and taking 4 week long short classes which include midterms, finals, weekly writing/reading, presentations, and a 20 page paper.

Typing that sentence made me nauseous.

But you know what makes me feel better about school?

My smarty sister giving me pep talks and taking the time out of her day to edit my whole 20 page paper.

My sweet mom telling me how much she likes my presentation.

My tech writer/editor husband editing my presentation and having it done by 8am for me.

My awesome husband also writing me to tell me how proud he is of what I'm doing for our family (swoon)

My friends who I never get to see sending me sweet e-mails.

And getting an A on my midterm and presentation so far.

Please please oh almighty school gods let school keep going this well.

Also, here is a cute picture of Mike and I bowling with my State Farm coworkers on Saturday.

This is the Part Where I Quit

Around this time is the part where I would quit.

Quit that job that is making me miserable.

Quit that town that I don't feel quite at home in yet.

Quit that boyfriend who I'm not so sure about.

Quit that exercise/diet that is too hard for me.

Quit quit quit.

I like to quit.

I like to run away from things.

It's quite a bit easier than sticking with them when you think about it.

7 years ago I quit school.

I was half-way through with my final 3 classes to get my BA.

I had already been accepted to grad school.

I was working full time, going to school full time, on the path you're supposed to be on.

And then I started to freak out.

Do I want to get my masters in English?

Do I want to teach for a living?

What the hell am I going to do with my life?

Did I talk this out with friends or family?

Did I see a counselor?

Did I weigh the pros and cons?

Not so much.

Instead, I dropped out of school and moved across the country.

Cause THAT to me was easier.

Quit and run.

Today I really want to quit something else.

This class scares the shit out of me.

Grad school scares the shit out of me.

The fact that I'm slammed at work, have tons of things planned for the rest of the year, and have no time to write my 20 page paper scares the bejeesusshit out of me.

It'd be really easy to quit right now and it's quite tempting at this point.

But I won't.

I might fail this class.

I might get really stressed out.

I might have another painful panic attack like I did Thursday night.

I might drive my friends and family insane for the next year.

But I won't let myself quit.

Because I need this.

For me.

For my future kids.

For my husband who has to listen to me whine about it every day.

For my parents who both went back to school later in life.

For my sister who got her masters while working full time and kicked ass at it.

For my pride.

So I am going to quit something toady.

I'm going to quit stressing about this class and just do it.

First step, quit reading blogs and go read my text book.

Grad Student Chic

I told you this is what I would end up wearing my first day of school.

I think the soaking wet hair and lack of makeup really rounds out the ensemble.

If I were to kendi this outfit, (if you don't know what that made up verb is alluding to then check out Kendi Everyday, I love her), it would be J Crew and Target which is not too shabs, but it's still not a pretty picture.

All I can say is thank G that microphones are required for our class sessions, but video cameras aren't.

Back to School

I start school again on Monday.

I don't know why I'm doing this to myself.

Except, the economy sucks and I don't want to be answering other people's phones and fetching people water for the rest of my life.

So to grad school I go.

I'm not looking forward to it.

At least I have the comfort of knowing I'm going online and will be able to attend every class in my pajamas.

If I were having to venture back on a college campus though, this is what I'd want to wear for my first day.

Dress - Mod Cloth Peach Blossom Picnic Dress for $52.99. Looks comfy and still really cute and fitting enough to not look like a big sack like I tend to gravitate towards.

Shoes - Aldo Spiney Wedges for about $50.00 bucks look a little too tall for real life, but oh so cute.

Necklace - Blue is the Color of Your Energy necklace for $23.50 from this online boutique I just found called Vestique.  I think this necklace would match all manner of things and is super cute and reasonable.

Bag - Tory Burch Dena Messenger Bag.  Not sure price, but somewhere in the couple of hundreds so it's only a dream bag, not a possible one.  It just seemed very scholastic and trendy to me with the leather and cute buckle.

In reality, I'll be writing papers and chatting with my professor over the new damn microphone I was last minute required to buy for the class (GRR) while wearing black leggings and whatever oversize JCrew t-shirt is clean that day.

Maybe I'll buy that necklace and wear it with my leggings and t-shirt.  That'd be fancy right?