Currently

Mike is out dropping his mom off at the airport and golfing with my dad so I am home alone and am currently...

Unshowered

Still drinking the same cup of coffee that I keep forgetting about and letting it get cold

Eating the m&m's my mo-in-law left behind for breakfast

Counting down the time until I throw away the coffee and make a bloody mary

In pjs with a giant stain on the leg 

Covered in bug bites.  Like, you guys, this isn't an exaggeration.  I have about 20 on me.  And they ITCH.

Blogging and reading blogs for the first time in ages (like 5 days...that's a long time to me)

Editing photos from this week and writing actual blog posts, not weird list ones like this one (my favorite kind)

Taking obnoxious pictures of my sleeping dogs

This is his "Dear God, please bugger off" face.

Thanking my lucky stars those dogs let me sleep in past 8 today.  I needed it.

Needing to get up and do laundry.

Needing to shower and shave my legs except I'm scared of shaving off a giant bug bite in the process (TMI?)

Trying not to spend the entire day unshowered and reading the third Game of Thrones book that I am currently super sucked into (RED WEDDING WHAT?!)

Hoping and dreaming that work will get better next week and I will not feel so useless and sad all day when I'm there.

Weirdly stressing out that I didn't do my Bachelorette recap last week because the mo-in-law was here

Trying to decide whether or not to try to stretch out my new shoes or return them

Missing being alone with my husband

Dreading taking the dogs for a walk later today (it's HOT and HUMID)

Getting excited for my California trip while at the same time wishing I had lost more weight first (chicks, man)

Hating my hair in every picture I edit of myself

Excited to wear my new shirt to work tomorrow

I am so boring.

Tomorrow's post will be better.

What are you guys currently doing?

Thoughts From My First Week Of Work

- Driving yourself around is not fun.

- I don't know where gas stations are here and/or what kind of gas this car takes

- There is a point on the bridge during my commute where all you can see is the bridge in front of you and the sky above you and if feels like you're floating and it's terrifying

- Wearing normal clothes all day is not fun...I miss stretchy pants

- I instantly get fatter the second I get a desk job

- Wearing shoes all day is obnoxious

- I am going to be a horrible working mom...I broke down in tears on Tuesday because I missed the dogs so much

- I miss a lot of internet goings on during the day now that I work on a county monitored computer

- Wearing dresses with flats instead of heels because my office is casual makes me feel stubby and not as cute...but my feet appreciate it

- I ain't wearing jeans during the summer no matter how casual our office is

- I'm a control freak (duh)
- Being able to walk around your office and see a lighthouse, water, and boats is a good way to relax during a stressful day

- I find myself distracted during the day wondering what the otters are doing

- InDesign is not a fun program to learn
- There is not a comfortable desk chair on the planet, they all just KILL my back
- When you leave a job and don't leave behind instructions or contact lists, you are not my friend
- Don't hire someone right before a huge event that will keep you distracted and not able to train them
- Having a view of one of your dream homes and a cute dog from your desk makes bad moments a little better

- I am just destined to always be the only cold person in my office...cardigans in summer for life!
- Having your own office with three windows is way better than sitting at a reception desk all day

- And lastly, unemployed/employed, I'm always gonna be a whiner apparently...this was not a good week for Mike to cut me off cocktails

My Super Boring Saturday

My Super Boring Saturday:  I Have No Idea Why I'm Putting You Guys Through This

Last Saturday, Mike went to Virginia to golf with my dad.  My plans for the day fell through so I ended up at home, alone, with no car from 7:00am to 7:15pm.  I know I'm home alone every week day, but I usually have things to do; jobs to apply for, blogs to write, lunch to prepare for Mike, gym to go to, dinner to cook with Mike, etc.  Saturday, I had none of those.  Nothing.  I got nothing.

THIS is what I did all day.

I got up when Mike was leaving and discovered that he had already fed and walked the dogs (SCORE).

After he left, I drank a bunch of coffee and browsed Reddit.

The dogs were bored with me already at this point.

I ate far too many Panera scones (it was cheat day after all).

I looked like this for the majority of the morning.  Hobo chic ya'll.

I showered and "got ready."  I thought about wearing actual, real pants for about 30 seconds, but went with this instead.

I watched Waiting.  Because, I don't know, why not?

Then I watched 500 Days of Summer.  Because, JGL.  Duh.

Then I ordered Chinese food from this place and waited over an hour for them to g-damn deliver it.

It was totally worth it.  So I ate a massive amount of it.

I also got inappropriately excited that the Chinese food place delivered sodas.

Then I walked the dogs.  They pooped in case you were wondering.

Then I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (one of my all time favorite movies).

Then I watched Memoirs of a Geisha.  Seriously, how all over the place were my movie choices?!

Then I made a bloody mary.

Then I fed the dogs and walked them again.  More poop.

Then Mike came home with a Panera Greek salad for me.  I ate it with some more Chinese food.  I couldn't help it.

Then tv, Mike time, bed.

Aren't you glad we're friends?

No One But Me Is Going To Find This Blog Post Interesting

So one of my favorite movies when I was younger was Camp.

{via}

It's really cheesy and I love Broadway and I'm a goober.

I had the soundtrack guys, this shit was real.

I literally JUST figured something out about this movie two days ago.

The girl singing my favorite song is..

Who is also...

Anna Kendrick

Mind blown.

Life Lately

Lots of dog snuggles on cold and rainy days

Getting the guest room ready and figuring out how to make that damn couch into a bed. Gizmo liked the finished product.

Taking every sunny moment we can to get the pups to the dog park.  Look how happy it makes Gizmo.

We started a diet.  More about that later.  Ugh, spinach all day.

Our first visitor!!  Such a fun couple of days with my sister.

Side Note:  anyone in the Annpolis area, eat here:

Vin 909

Holy crapoli, delicious!

I got cute new glasses from Firmoo.  Blog post on them soon.

I'm finally sick of top knots and have been rocking random, messy low buns all week.  I feel very cute and my head hurts less haha.

My Sunday mornings look like this now and I like it.  Who is this person?!

A Conversation Between Mike & I

In case you guys missed me.

I haven't been blogging much because I'm boring and a little obsessed with Revolt right now.

So here is a conversation that just happened between Mike and I:

Me out of nowhere, "Well, I don't love you either."

Mike, "I never said I don't love you, that makes no sense."

Me, "You didn't let me touch your abs."

Mike still stuck on me making no sense, "You saying either doesn't make sense, you're dumb."

Me, "I have so little in my life and your abs are one of my only good things!"

Mike shuts the door.

A Random Old Story

(Because I can't fill this blog with only Pinspiration posts and I don't have a lot going on right now)

Once upon a time when I was a flight attendant living in New Jersey and was single and, ahem, partying a lot I had a pretty funny encounter.  My girlfriends and I spent the night drinking and dancing at our favorite club Adega's where I met an older, bald, married dude. And by older I mean late 30's, 40's.  I was about 23 at this time so...that's older to me.  (I just didn't want you picturing an 80 year old or something...moving on)  Apparently at some point during the night this bald gentleman and I proceeded to inappropriately make out in the club.  I don't remember this happening.  I was told later.  And honestly, I wasn't surprised.  A couple vodka red bulls will do that to a girl.  The next day, I had to work the Newark to Boston shuttle in the front cabin of the plane.  I boarded the plane and started my day like every other day, albeit it a little hungover.  Since I was working the front cabin, it was one of my duties to greet passengers as they boarded.  And lo and behold, guess who boards my plane?  Older, bald, married dude.  Awkward.  I spent that entire flight trying to avoid the eye contact which he was desperately attempting to make.  This included ignoring him whilst doing the bev cart (thankfully I didn't have to serve him just stand in front of his row for an excruciatingly long time), ignoring him whilst collecting trash, and worst of all, ignoring him whilst sitting at the front cabin jump seat that faced the rest of the plane for take off and landing.  I sat there in my tights and blue polyester staring out into the plane and all I kept seeing the whole take off and landing was a little bald head constantly leaning over to look down the aisle into my cabin.  Needless to say, that was the longest 80 minutes of my life.

Get off my plane, buh bye.

Me as a flight attendant once upon a time

Me back in my Jersey/clubbing days.  I literally couldn't be more Jersey in this picture. Love it.

Saying No

So the other day I talked about not turning down things (ie: job offers) because of fear.

I went to sleep Sunday night ready to go into DC Monday and get this started.

I wasn't stressed out this time.

I didn't lose sleep.

I was organized, ready, and excited.

And then my meeting got cancelled because of a scheduling error.

And other issues came up.

And I sort of shook myself out of the haze of excitement that comes from being offered a job that isn't a desk job in a city that I love.

And realized.

Crap, this isn't the job for me right now.

So I said no.

And it sucked.

But I didn't say no out of fear which is new for me.

I said no after a bunch of heart-to-heart talks with my husband about how this job would actually work money-wise, commute-wise, schedule-wise, future-wise.

And other variables I won't put in a public blog.

And honestly, I've talked them all so much to death I can't really remember my reasons this morning.

But it's a no.

And I hate saying no.

Always.

Especially to things that are cool and possibilities and different.

And especially since at this point I probably will end up with a boring desk job.

But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

And at least I'll look cute at my desk, right?

{via}

On Fear

I realized last night when I was laying in bed too stressed out over a decision I have to make to sleep, that I make a lot of my life decisions based on fear.

I never embraced life/school in San Luis because I was scared of getting out of my sheltered bubble and trying anything new.

I dropped out of college 3 classes to graduation when I had already been accepted to grad school because I was afraid of making a decision about my future.

I quit being a flight attendant and moved home because I was afraid to grow up and make a responsible life there.

I almost purposefully ruined by relationship because I was scared of getting married.

I quit jobs, gave up on opportunities, walked away from people, made wrong decisions out of fear countless times in my life.

Basically, I'm a big ole' chicken.

And now I have this great job opportunity and I have almost turned it down a million times out of fear.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of  failing.

Fear of travelling to the city by myself.

Fear of giving up on the easy dream of staying in this small town, buying a big house, and having kids.

Fear of not making enough money.

Just big ole' chickeny fear.

But I'm trying to squash it.

I'm going back Monday to fill out the paperwork to start the job.

And we'll see if I duck and run at that moment from fear.

But hopefully not.

{via}

Today

Today

My unemployment claim appeal was approved (huzzah!)

I went to the gym despite my bad mood

I wondered how women ride those bikes while wearing thongs

Then I wondered if I'm the only girl who wears a thong to the gym

My corgi actually pooped without it taking an hour of wandering around

I made cookies

I enjoyed some tomato soup and a grilled cheese...one of my all time fave meals

I got a rejection letter from a job I really wanted

I applied for 7 new jobs

Some of which I don't want

But, what's an unemployed girl to do

I felt much better about blogging after yesterday's post, blogging friends' responses, and an e-mail from a blogging ideal of mine (blidol??)

Currently

My husband is making waffles

And there's a giant pear in the fridge calling my name

Today wasn't so bad I guess.

(See, I'm not always whiny...)

Pity Party

I found out yesterday that I was denied unemployment because I turned in a form late.

It was totally my fault and I feel awful about it.

There are meth heads out there smart enough to turn in their unemployment forms on time.

And I botched it.

I also realized yesterday that I have applied for 42 jobs since finding out about Mike's transfer.

42

I also made the stupid choice to check my student loan balance yesterday.

So yeah, last night was rough.

Today, I plan to have a tiny little pity party for myself.

I started by eating a cookie for breakfast.

Sending out some passive aggressive, bitter e-mails.

And staying in pajamas all day.

Then, I'll suck it up, clean up the house, make a soup, and apply for more jobs.

Because, really, what the hell else am I going to do?

Wallowing is not cute.

But I'll give myself part of the day at least.

This post is officially rambling and whiny, but if I can't complain to random friends on the internet, who can I complain to?

On Turning 30

Today I turn 30.

Which I know is supposed to be terrifying.

But today, it's not.

Because I'm pretty happy.

Even though I'm unemployed which should probably amp up the turning 30 terror.

But it just doesn't.

Being unemployed right now is kind of a blessing.

Aside from job searching, I get to relax all day.

When is the last time anyone got to do that?

Sitting in front of the computer job searching, wearing leggings and a sweatshirt with messy hair, no makeup, and a pug on my lap.

That's what turning 30 looked like for me.

Periodically turning around to look at my corgi lying in the window, staring out at the rainy day outside.

It's quiet and peaceful and slow in here.

And my 30 year old self loves it.

Happy 30 to me!

(But I better have a damn job by the time I turn 31)

On Unemployment

I realized the other day that I started this blog in October of 2009 because I was unemployed.

I had just moved back to California because my then boyfriend, now husband had accepted a job there.

I was bored and antsy and therefore this blog was born.

Here is my first little whiny post.

What I realized is, it's over three years later and I'm unemployed again.

I just moved to Maryland because my husband has accepted a transfer for his job.

And here I sit and here I blog home all day unemployed.

(I also job search and clean and stuff just so we're clear)

I haven't worked since November 21st.

And I'm already freaking out.

Thinking about applying for jobs far below my grade just to have one.

Which I don't want to do for the sake of my resume.

And my sanity.

But the fear is creeping in stronger and stronger now.

And then I realize, that last time.

The last unemployment time.

I was unemployed for five months.

And then I crap my pants in fear.

But I am lucky because I have a husband to support me.

And a roof over my head.

And a blog to whine to when I feel so inclined.

Here's hoping three years from now I'm not writing a post on how bored I am being unemployed again.

{via}

Normal

Today, I had to interview my replacement at work.

I've never done that before, it was weird.

I just wanted to hug her and tell her what to say.

She did fine without my weirdness though.

But to prepare for my fancy interviewer day I wore normal clothes.

Which is different for me.

So much so that my boss announced it in our staff meeting.

Random segue to..."And Valerie is dressed normal today, look."

Cue laughter.

Not in a nasty way mind you, just a funny oh Val you're weird kind of way.

Just the way I like it.

I also walked into the kitchen and found my husband hand cleaning something I had gotten period blood on earlier this evening.

Aren't you glad you just read this blog?

Gross, right?

But I mean, what kind of dude does that?

I'm pretty sure I crumbled a little bit inside with embarrassment (I had warned him not to go into our bathroom and/or look in the sink, thank you) and yelled, that's so gross!

He responded with, "Why, it has to be cleaned?"

Oh dear, I love that little weirdo.

Sorry I'm gross.

This blog was pointless.

Are you sad you're friends with me yet?

Pointless picture of me drinking a cocktail.

My eyebrows look really good in that picture.

I'll stop typing now I promise.

Perspective

I complain a lot.

I'm a whiner.

About all manner of things.

Including my husband.

And how sometimes he can be not emotional.

And we joke.

And call him a robot.

And that he's a sociopath.

Doesn't sound funny when you type that.

But we joke about it (he's not).

And sometimes I feel bad for myself.

I've been through things I don't write about here.

I cry about them.

Obsess about them.

Hate myself, get sad, think dark thoughts.

It can consume days.

And I whine about it.

And then, out of nowhere, I found the blog Wanderlust.

And through her, Random Ramblings of a Stay At Home Mum.

And I read their stories.

Real stories with real reasons to complain and hurt and whine.

And I sat in front of my computer and bawled my eyes out just now.

And perspective hit me over the head like a brick.

So shut up, Valerie.

Keep your whining and darkness and sadness for things that deserve it.

And don't ever ever joke about your husband being anything other than the amazing person he is.

Because that's really not funny after all.

Get Over It

I was planning to sit down and write a blog post warning everyone about my mood

I'm so cranky and stressed out and awful right now

(Just ask my poor final grad school project partner)

I didn't even do a High Five For Friday post yesterday because I couldn't think of five good things about this week

Then I realized that I had an awesome time with great friends last night

And I'm about to go to lunch with one of my oldest friends in the world 

AND it's a three day weekend which never happens for me

So maybe I should just get the hell over it

Here is a picture of my pug to lift (my) everyone's spirits

Go have a good Saturday and don't be a whiny turd like me!

Distraction

I'm having a really hard time getting myself to write this paper.

That is technically due tomorrow.

URP.

I'm having that thing where you sit in front of the computer and immediately get exhausted and your brain goes fuzzy and you can't write a coherent word, but then when you get finally decide to say eff it and go to bed, your heart starts racing from stress and panic about the paper and you can't sleep.

Does that happen to anyone else?

I'm a stress face.

BUT sunny side of all of this is I have 3 days left of this class, then 2 more classes (equaling 2 months), and then my last 2 months are writing my thesis/business project and then I'm done!

And you'll never have to hear me complain about grad school again!

Until then, here is a picture to distract you (me) for a minute.

Crazy Dreams

I love this song.

I've had it in my head for like a week.

I also love this show (musical nerdiness does not go away with age).

I just also so much love the sentiment behind it.

I'm a crazy dreamer for sure.

Always have been.

I get it from my dad.

And I still haven't let it go.

So I'm going to go walk around the house singing this song again (poor hubs) and hoping for just one of my crazy dreams to come true.

A Little Perspective on a Friday Night

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am.
I get wrapped up in thinking about the past, about what could have been, about how my life might be if I had chosen a different path.
I focus on the things I don't have instead of the multitude of things I do.
I obsess over the few qualities Mike doesn't have rather than the 800 amazing qualities he does.
I spent years dreaming, wishing, hoping against hope that I would find someone who would love me for me.
Someone to go to sleep with at night and wake up with in the morning.
Somebody who would want to call me his girlfriend, his wife.
I dreamed of the ring, the wedding, and the house.
There were days I felt so hopeless that I really believed none of it would happen.
And now it's all here.
I have the ring.
How easily I've let myself forget the pure joy I felt when Mike slipped that ring on my finger outside the store, too excited to wait to propose.
I had the wedding.
I've spent so many days focusing on what I would do differently that day if I could, not liking how I looked or how things went when I should be focusing on Mike's face the first time we saw each other for pictures or him taking my hand and kissing it when I started to cry during the ceremony.
I have the house.
I joke about how much I hate the yellow walls and how much I want to move out of this town, but I really love this home so much.  I love the blood, sweat, and tears Mike has put into every inch of this house.  I love every unique bit of it because it is ours.
I have everything I've ever dreamed of.
Somedays, I'm allowed to be sad that I don't have a great job and I don't make great money and the general public well, sucks.
Some days, I'm allowed to want to punch Mike in the tooth for being obnoxious.
But then, I need to get over it.
Because I'm luckier than I ever honestly thought I could be and I'd be a fool if I wasted a single moment of it.

Baby Flu

I've officially graduated from baby fever to baby flu.

With baby fever, you find yourself smiling at babies you see in the grocery store.

You sigh over baby clothes at the store.

You google maternity photo shoot ideas.

You daydream about being pregnant.

With baby flu, you feel sick every time someone mentions the word baby.

You stare at every baby you see in the store like it might try to steal your wallet.

You feel really great one second and totally ready to have a baby and the next second you have the sweats and chills.

While watching Up All Night (which was pretty damn funny by the way) earlier tonight, Mike experienced his first bout of baby flu.

He got a crazy look in his eyes and announced that we should "make a baby tomorrow."

He started ticking off the months on this fingers to realize that we would have said baby in May or June.

Nodded his head said, "At least it wouldn't be hot." And continued watching the show like all was normal.

30 seconds later, he looked at me said, "What if it's a girl?" and made the most horrified face I'd ever seen.

Then he went to bed.

At 8:50pm.

I just took two Tylenol PM with a glass of Pinot Grigio.

We shouldn't be allowed to have children.