In Case My Foot Falls Off

A couple of days ago while working outside I got a bunch of bug bites.  That's pretty normal.  I could stand in a room with 5 other people filled with mosquitoes and be the only one who gets bitten.  And the bites are always bad on me; big and itchy and turn into bruises.  So I didn't worry about the bites all over my feet and ankles.  And then Friday, I worked at the Bad Company concert on my feet for about 12 hours.  And my right foot blew up.  I looked down at one point and thought, "Huh, when did I get a cankle?"  And I stared at it and moved it around and realized, that is not my foot.  Something is weird about that foot.  Oh yeah, it's HUGE now.

 So it hurt and it sucked and it's getting better, but it's still pretty gross.  So in honor of my giant fat foot that may or may not eventually fall off, here are the top 10 things my feet have ever done for me:

1) Walked me down the aisle.  AND made it through the night in pretty dern uncomfortable shoes.

2)  Went out from underneath me so I fell on my ass on the sidewalk in front of Mike back when I was 17.  If this were a romantic comedy, that would have been the moment we fell in love or something, but really it's just a funny memory that we have from before we were together.  Skinning my knees on the street, drunk, in a jean dress.  That's your wife now Mike...congrats.

3)  Learned to drive.  And drove me from Ridgecrest to San Luis Obispo to Bakersfield to New Jersey to Chico to Maryland.  I may be an awful driver, but at least I've gone places.

4)  Traveled like a champ.  Those little feet walked around London for a week and countless DC trips without so much as a blister. And they never wore ugly tennis shoes once.  Way to do it like a non-tourist, feet.  You rock.

My feet at the British Museum

5)  Ran and hiked.  I hate working out...a lot.  So thanks feet for carrying my lazy, fat ass around on runs and hikes so I could burn some of my cheese calories and feel a little better about myself.

We have matching hiking shoes, we're obnoxious

6)  Are the world's most average size.  I mean, I'm guessing here, but I have never not been able to find my size of shoes available.  My mom's super tiny feet and some of my friends' giant feet are always struggling to find shoes, but my size 7s?  Always in stock.

7)  Made it through my last Vegas trip in sexy shoes as the only person who didn't have to change and/or didn't get blisters either night.  This is a stupid thing to be proud of, but I've got to hold onto ANYTHING I do better than Mike, it so rarely happens.

8)  Provided countless hours of entertainment and obnoxious Instagram photos while I'm waiting for Mike to shop or pee or both.

9)  You wear my Sperry's.  I mean, that's an important job. Without feet, I'd have no excuse to keep buying Sperry's.

10)  And sometimes you let yourself get swept off in the best possible way.

So thanks feet.  I hope you don't fall off later today...