Saturday, September 17, 2011

A Little Perspective on a Friday Night

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am.
I get wrapped up in thinking about the past, about what could have been, about how my life might be if I had chosen a different path.
I focus on the things I don't have instead of the multitude of things I do.
I obsess over the few qualities Mike doesn't have rather than the 800 amazing qualities he does.
I spent years dreaming, wishing, hoping against hope that I would find someone who would love me for me.
Someone to go to sleep with at night and wake up with in the morning.
Somebody who would want to call me his girlfriend, his wife.
I dreamed of the ring, the wedding, and the house.
There were days I felt so hopeless that I really believed none of it would happen.
And now it's all here.
I have the ring.
How easily I've let myself forget the pure joy I felt when Mike slipped that ring on my finger outside the store, too excited to wait to propose.
I had the wedding.
I've spent so many days focusing on what I would do differently that day if I could, not liking how I looked or how things went when I should be focusing on Mike's face the first time we saw each other for pictures or him taking my hand and kissing it when I started to cry during the ceremony.
I have the house.
I joke about how much I hate the yellow walls and how much I want to move out of this town, but I really love this home so much.  I love the blood, sweat, and tears Mike has put into every inch of this house.  I love every unique bit of it because it is ours.
I have everything I've ever dreamed of.
Somedays, I'm allowed to be sad that I don't have a great job and I don't make great money and the general public well, sucks.
Some days, I'm allowed to want to punch Mike in the tooth for being obnoxious.
But then, I need to get over it.
Because I'm luckier than I ever honestly thought I could be and I'd be a fool if I wasted a single moment of it.

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