Armageddon Ambush Mud Run

Alright, let's be honest here, I am not a very fit person. I  work out.  I have been known to run.  I am not great at either.  I actually kind of hate them.  But my husband is super fit and I tend to gain weight super easily (when I eat an entire block of goat cheese in one sitting, ahem) so I do what I have to do.  When Mike sent me the groupon for the Armageddon Ambush Mud Run 5k in our area I for some godforsaken reason thought it sounded fun.  We've done a ton of 5k's, I've been working out...let's do it!

Balls.

This was HARD.

The first obstacle I fell.  On.  My.  Ass.

Nobody saw though thankfully.  Mike basically pushed me over a wall and instead of holding on and slowly lowering myself over like a normal person with upper body strength, I just fell off on my butt.

It didn't start out great.

And there were a lot of hills and trails and running through chest deep mud and falling on my face and scraping my legs.  ETC.

Thankfully, this mud run wasn't timed so you were allowed to skip whatever obstacles you wanted.  Which I did.  While Mike climbed and jumped over them like freakin' Spider Man on acid with a giant smile on his face.

Freak.

And also thankfully, the people were all super nice and helpful and everyone cheered for each other and it was beautiful weather and an amazing location.  That being said...

When you were almost to the very end and completely covered in mud and paint (they threw paint at you at points which I think was the "ambush" part, but it wasn't as obnoxious as I thought it would be and no one jumped out at me and made me pee in the mud so it was okay) you climbed up a ladder to a super steep water slide.  We were excited about this . It would clean us off, cool us down, and be fun.

It was not.

I mean, it was for normal people, just not me.

I, being either dumb or I dunno, too small or something, caught some massive air during my slide and FLEW into the pool at the bottom.  I sat and watched guys do this for a long time afterwards and they all gracefully slid off and hit the water gently, not even going under.  I legitimately flew and slammed into the water, going like a foot under that damn thing.

I was not expecting that.  I hadn't closed my mouth or my eyes and it knocked the bloody wind out of me.  I came up gasping and coughing and worried someone was going to come immediately down after me and brain me.  Mike, having slid down in graceful, Spider Man joy and starting to swim out of the pool, turned around to watch me fly off the slide like a lumpy cannonball and pop up out of the water with a look of pure panic on my face.  He told me that he took one look at me and thought to himself, "Nope, she's not okay."  He knows that "she's about to panic to the point where she breaks down and bursts into tears" face all too well.

So he ever so gallantly swam over to me and picked me up like the damsel in distress I was and carried me out of the pool.

It was pretty embarrassing.  And funny.  And I wish I had video of my epic fall.

After that disaster, we finished the race, toweled off, peeled off our disgusting shoes, and got our well-earned free beer.

I was kind of a mess, but it was fun and it got me out of working out for the day.  And I got to see Mike's abs covered in blue paint so....win?

Side Note:  I can't completely get the paint off.  Balls again.