Monday, May 20, 2013

Blog Every Day in May - A Struggle

For day 20 of the Blog Every Day in May Link Up, we're supposed to talk about something we're currently struggling with.  Which, to me, is basically the same thing as what we talked about on day 16...but maybe I did that day wrong?  So I had to really dig for something else to talk about.  Which I guess is a good thing?  Having a hard time coming up with things to complain about?

Other than the always frustrating unemployment which in turn results in money issues, my other struggle is my mental issues when it comes to fitness.  As you've read on here, I've recently gotten more into working out and I love what it does for me.  My upper body is getting more toned than it's ever been and my legs are looking great.  Mike constantly comments on how high my butt is now and how much he can see my leg muscles.  These are all great things and make me feel so good about myself.  BUT for some reason, most days when I show up the gym, I feel like shit about myself.  I put on my super tight workout pants and although I realistically know I look good in them, I immediately start to think I look like a fat load.  I sit in that stupid squat press leg machine thingy and it makes me have to bend at the waist and I get a little fat roll and I feel like shit the whole time I'm doing the squats.  Instead of focusing on the fact that when I first went to the gym, I couldn't move that machine and now I'm doing 4 sets of 12 every time, I focus on how not cute I look while doing it.  I stare at myself in the mirror in between sets and decide I have a double chin and my hair looks stupid and my skin is bad and it goes on and on.

So, my struggle is to overcome that mental crap.  Instead of beating myself up, I need to feel good about the fact that I got off my ass and went for a run and then walked our dogs for half an hour and then went to the gym for an hour and a half.  Every night.  I should be proud of that.  I beat myself up about the fact that if I dieted better, I would be thinner, but I just don't want to diet.  I need to get over that.  I'm not going to be thinner, this is how I look and I should just get over it.  I need to stop calling myself fat.  I need to stop beating myself up.  I really need to stop this before I end up having a girl and teaching her this awful behavior.

So that's what I got.  Girls are nuts, eh?


  1. This is so true for me as well!
    When I go to the gym, I think oh man, look at my thighs while I'm doing leg extentions. yuck!

    Or if I'm running, I become discouraged by how much my butt is probably doing that gross wiggle thing as I go.

    Rather than focussing on how great what I am doing is, and how great I look. I've been trying lately to shift my focus more to how my body feels. If I feel great, I feel as though I look better.

    Its so stupid, but I am SOOOO there with you.

    1. It's so crazy that we do that to ourselves! But I feel like we'll get a little bit better each time!